annie's microblog

Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final.

— Rilke

In which poetry saves my soul anniemueller.com/posts/in-…

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

―Walt Whitman

What’s the most consequential decision you made in your life to lead you to this moment? anniemueller.com/posts/wha…

I try not to post things that are only me complaining but I am about to do that right now. I’m registering my child for pre-college tests. ACT? Have to create an account on their website. Registration requires me to answer about 100 questions about my kid’s academic history before I get to the actual registration. So now I have his transcript open in a separate window because I don’t fucking remember when he took English Lit or what grade he got in Algebra 1. These registrations are linked to his school-issued ID but that apparently does not serve any actual useful purpose.

On to the SAT. I have to create an account on their website. Then for the SAT to get the “admission ticket” for the actual test, kiddo has to download a separate app. So I registered and paid for the test but my kid can’t get in unless he also downloads an app, registers in the app, and answers more questions.

I’m over it. So over it. But wait! There’s more! I need to pay for their AP tests now. Two kids are taking AP courses and those require a whole separate procedure. The kids have already registered at school for the AP testing, but to pay for it we have to create a separate registration on a separate site–one for each child–which is also linked to their school-issued ID. And then I get to scroll through a list of ALL the available AP classes, find the right ones for each kid, and pay for them. (We’re not even talking about how classist and screwed up it is that you have to pay out of pocket for AP tests, that’s an entirely separate rant.) Somehow the system can communicate well enough to identify that there are testing fees to be paid for this child, but cannot communicate well enough to identify which tests the fees are for. I have to tell them that part. Okay! Fun! I am going to do this procedure twice, and it is a great way to spend a little time after a full day of work. I LOVE IT A LOT.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! I’m lining up a new therapist for my child! This is a fun process! My pediatrician sent a list of referrals. To access it I need to log into our medical ‘my health chart’ blah blah blah account where I should be able to access all documents and info for all three of my under-18 kids who all go to the same pediatrician. BUT NO! Only one child’s information is accessible today! Why? WHO FUCKING KNOWS. So I spend 20 minutes in a customer service chat figuring that out, and at least it’s a real human and they solve it and I get to the documents I need and that’s great. I totally luck out because the first place I call does not have a 6-month wait list, so I make an appointment and they say Great and I say Great and then they say We Will Send You The Intake Packet. And I sigh, I knew it was coming, and I say Okay. And when it comes, yes: It’s not a PDF I can fill out and email back real quick, or a form I can print and bring with me to the appointment. Of course not, no. It is a Patient Portal and I get to register and have a new account on a new website where I get to answer even more questions about my child in a new format and somehow, weirdly enough, all this logging in does not make me feel like any of my children’s information is secure.

Also WTF this is dumb and I hate it.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn’t long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

from Flare by Mary Oliver

I’ve seen posts about “they will come for you” eg first it’s this group then that group then the other group etc. True! We can sum it up by saying: they will come for everybody who isn’t a nazi. The goal is eliminate everyone who doesn’t get in line w the agenda. Which is being a fucking nazi. VOTE.

I needed this reminder from @jabel

“I am one of a species evolved over millennia to be survivors. We have survived every climate and government. We have survived famines and fools. We are adaptable. … I am a shard of the living cosmos. I am the cosmos conscious, carrying the light forward. I am a light bearing witness to other lights and experiencing darkness. I may be many things, good and bad, but I am not fragile.”

Finished reading: The Boatman’s Daughter by Andy Davidson 📚

For your dancing in the kitchen song tonight: song.link/i/1276760…

What makes me vulnerable? anniemueller.com/posts/wha…

Polling place (library 📚🧡) was busy, with people circling the lot to park as others left. One lady asked if we were leaving, so I waved her in the right direction. As we pulled out I yelled “Get in there & save democracy!” She yelled back, “Oh yeah you know I’m gonna!” So that felt positive.

Doing dumb stuff faster is still dumb anniemueller.com/posts/doi…

Bits and pieces

Finished reading: Morgan’s Run by Colleen McCullough 📚

Enjoyed this one. Lots of historical detail and good friendship building but it’s basically a “shipwrecked on an island” story and I love those. #bookstodon

i hope every single person who clapped for that dumbass at the latest racist rally gets hit by a thousand chanclas, amen.