Started off meeting one of my best friends for coffee. We try to do this every couple of weeks and it ends up being every month or two, because ✨life💥. We sat and sipped coffee and talked nonstop and then we had to go do all the life things. What a great way to start the day though.
I headed to a little cafe to work for a few hours because I was already feeling the work-at-home pull of distraction. Sometimes in order to productively work from home you need to not be at home. If you know, you know. Ha.
My dad called just as I got to the cafe so I sat in my car and talked for 15 minutes or so, and had mostly good but some mixed feelings about that. The mostly good is that I love my Dad and I love catching up with him. The mixed feelings are that my view of the world and his view of the world are so very, very different. And sometimes that comes out in our conversations in really stark ways, sometimes in subtle ways, and I have feelings about it, and the feelings are murky. I’m proud of myself for diverging from what I’ve been handed and choosing my own way… and at the same time I feel such a sense of failure… for disappointing my Dad? Or something? I’m 41. He’s 71. Should I be done with this by now? Am I ever done with this? (Probably not.)
Anyway, then on to work and got a lot done and felt pretty good about it. Headed back home with a stop to get a haircut and as I’m waiting outside the salon my phone rings and it’s the high school and that’s never great news when they call you at 1:15pm on a Monday. Sure enough. My kid got caught with a vape. He’s now suspended. He just got unsuspended a few days ago for a kind of stupid incident that wasn’t exactly his fault but also was… like, he was kind of in the wrong place at the wrong time, but also he had the opportunity to recognize “this is the wrong thing at the wrong time” and walk away from it and didn’t. So.
So.
Got my hair cut, picked up suspended child, back home, back to work. Other children home, Halloween excitement, love it, costumes and candy! Had to call my ex and have a talk about suspended child in the midst of that which wasn’t exactly fun and left me with more murky feelings. Some days are full of murky feelings.
But now I’m at the end of this day, and I’m decided what to think about it. Where to shelve it. How to categorize it. Murky? Bad? Good? Okay? Some other thing I don’t know?
I don’t know. There’s so much I don’t know.