I started freelance writing because of the flexibility.

For all the years my kids were babies, and on through several years of homeschooling, I got to be home with them. The bulk of my time was spent taking care of the kids. My work got tucked in at the edges. It was pretty exhausting, honestly. (Having little kids is exhausting by itself. But I digress.)

We needed the extra income and this was something I could do on my own terms, at home. When I started there were plenty of oddball offers and pennies-per-page gigs and scams but there was also a lot of legitimate basic work. I could earn enough money to make a difference.

Over time I developed more skills and gained more experience. I specialized and raised my rates. I got referrals and set up long-standing agreements with clients and editors. Things got steadier and easier but I still had lots of projects, lots of clients, lots of flexibility. Also, lots of logistics, lots of deadlines, lots of emails, lots of juggling, lots of urgency.

Late last year, I started a full-time role for one of my clients and I’m quite happy with it. Everything is simplified and I like that. I used to love the experience of diving into a new project, getting to know new clients, understanding a new vertical or specific subject area. Now it just makes me tired, honestly. I’m less interested in broad and much more interested in deep.

I still work remotely, asynchronous. On my own terms, in charge of my own schedule. I’m not required to track hours or log keystrokes (thank god). But without the urgency of juggling multiple deadlines for multiple clients all the time, sometimes I really struggle to stay focused, to say no to distractions, to keep myself on task, to not jump up for every interruption. To have boundaries, in other words. To be a little more rigid, so I can protect my time and my attention.

I didn’t realize how much I relied on urgency as a substitute for structure. It wasn’t good. I don’t recommend it. So now I’m learning, or trying to learn, how to give myself structure, how to set limits. Flexibility has served me well. I needed it. Now I need to shift into something different.