annie's microblog

The one who stands on the soapbox may be foolish, but the one who listens to him is more foolish still. And more foolish than both is the one who condemns either one. You need to learn to let others live and learn. The only help that you can offer them comes through your acceptance and love and not through your judgment.

Paul Ferrini, The Silence of the Heart

Several recent conversations have me thinking a lot about how and when to voice my views, the futility of most debates or arguments, etc. This quote popped up in my review today.

How do you add accessibility description to a photo on Gluon? If it’s there I am just missing it

Sitting on my balcony, glass of wine and a good book, peace in my heart, gratitude for what is and acceptance of what isn’t. Three years ago my life fell apart. It had been falling apart for years and I had been killing myself to hold it together. Then I reached the point where I could no longer do that. What followed was rage and agony and heartbreak and a complete undoing and then the endlessness of grief and the urgency of survival.

There were so many days when I didn’t know how I would make it thru to the next day. I kept breathing and time kept moving. I wrote my pain and people were gracious enough to receive it and hold it and I felt less alone.

And now I look up into the sunset, in this quiet, and realize I have reached a place I couldn’t imagine reaching. A place of peace and hope and gladness. A place of contentment where my gratitude outweighs my grief. A place where days flow in a beautiful rhythm that matches my own heartbeat.

I longed for this place and I fought for this place but I am not here because of my own efforts. I am here because of love. I am here because of each word of kindness and gesture of support. Hours of listening, friends weeping with me, emails and phone calls and patience and so much tenderness.

I lived my life thinking that everything depended on me. That the failure or success of every part of my life, every relationship, every project, every dream was my responsibility entirely. That it’s all up to me. I was so good at holding myself responsible and so bad at holding others responsible for their choices. And I was so good at giving help, or trying to, and so bad at asking for or receiving help.

I think I’m getting better at that. And I know without any shadow of doubt that this magical place where I find myself is not because I soldiered on alone but because I started learning how to cry my pain in the open. I was so afraid but so desperate. And I found that, instead of shame or judgment, love swept in and held me. Love came in and warmed the hearth and laid the table and let me be broken and did not ask for more.

I am loving all these forest photos today. Trees 😍😍😍 swoon

Finished reading: All About Love by bell hooks 📚

Understanding all the ways fear stands in the way of our knowing love challenges us. Fearful that believing in love’s truths and letting them guide our lives will lead to further betrayal, we hold back from love when our hearts are full of longing. Being loving does not mean we will not be betrayed. Love helps us face betrayal without losing heart. And it renews our spirit so we can love again.

A beautiful book.

Currently reading: All About Love by bell hooks 📚

Love knows no shame. To be loving is to be open to grief, to be touched by sorrow, even sorrow that is unending. The way we grieve is informed by whether we know love. …In its deepest sense, grief is a burning of the heart, an intense heat that gives us solace and release. When we deny the full expression of our grief, it lays like a weight on our hearts, causing emotional pain and physical ailments.

Currently reading: All About Love by bell hooks 📚

Importantly, like many other women and men (irrespective of sexual preference) who are in relationships where they are the objects of intimate terrorism, I would have been able to leave this relationship sooner or recover myself within it had I brought to this bond the level of respect, care, knowledge, and responsibility I brought to friendships.

One of the moments of clarity that led me to get a divorce was this realization: I would never tolerate the treatment I was receiving from my spouse from anyone else in my life. A tough lesson.

Finished reading: Tiny Habits by B. J. Fogg 📚

Didn’t read cover-to-cover, but skimmed and extracted from the parts that were useful to me. As with many nonfiction books, it takes a good point and hashes it out to the nth degree. Also, I’ve read a good bit of Fogg’s content online so there was a lot of (to me) repeated info. Still, a great refresher and plenty of examples and exercises to walk you through the concepts.

Finished reading: The Women’s War by Jenna Glass 📚

Interesting and timely premise (well, it’s been timely through the history of civilization, I guess). I liked the characters and development of relationships as the plot unfolded. Lots of court politics. The ending was abrupt, designed to lead to sequel. Enjoyable fantasy writing though I don’t know that I’ll read the next in the series.

Finished reading: Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young 📚

Heartbreaking account of the author’s upbringing in a cult, escape and subsequent experience in the military. Shows the parallels of misogyny, manipulation, and abuse of power within both organizations. The writing style isn’t the best and sometime the structural choices confused me but the story’s important and gripping.

📸 day 2 / buildup #mbsept